Time: 8:55a NPST (North Pole Standard Time)
Location: International HQ of SC Enterprises International, LLP
“Holy Peppermint – where is that confounded thing”, he muttered to no-one in particular (seeing that there was – in fact – no one else around).
He finally retrieved it from his pocket and swiped it towards the proximity card reader to the left of the door.
The access light above the reader flashed red and the buzzer went off indicate an unsuccessful swipe. The jolly man tried repeatedly with the same results. He glanced at his watch and sees that it’s only 5 minutes before the weekly status meeting.
“Are we having problems, Santa?” squeaked a voice from behind.
Santa turned around to see Percy – the elf in charge of Reindeer Games.
“Indeed”, Santa sighed. “I still don’t see why we need all of this security, being in an invisible location, it’s not very likely that we’re going to have unauthorized visitors!”
“True that”, replied Percy. “But you know the way that Elvis is. As the head elf with his PMP and CMA designations, he’s always trying to move you slowly into High Tech. Let me see your card, Santa? Maybe the magnetic strip is damaged somehow.”
Santa handed the card over to Percy who then flipped the card over and chuckled.
“I see your problem, Mr. Big. There’s a splotch of eggnog on the magnetic strip. The reader couldn’t validate you.” stated Percy who then took out his lens cleaning cloth and wiped down the magnetic card and handed it back. “Here you go, try now”.
Santa swiped the card once again. The light flashed green, the door unlocked and the card-reader exclaimed in Santa’s prerecorded voice, “Ho-ho-ho, your eIdentity has been confirmed!”
Santa pushed the door of the Grand Mistletoe Conference room and entered, surveying around the large table to see the contingent of Head Elves waiting for him.
Santa sat himself down at the head of the table. As he stirred his latter with his candy cane, he addressed the contingent, “Good morning team, does anyone have any idea what day it is?”
Head-Wrapper Elf, Holly guessed, “Is it the birthday of someone that’s very important?”
Santa gave a deep guffaw, “Oh, we all know the answer to THAT one, but that’s not what I’m referring to. Today is precisely three weeks from Christmas. I expect everyone to have the final checklist ready for my review by the end of the day. Now, did anyone have issues to discuss today?”
Immediately, Elvis’s hand shot up.
Santa sighed with resignation, “Yes, Elvis, what is it this time?”
“Well, Santa baby..”
Before Elvis could continue, Santa interjected with a booming voice, “You know I hate that term. Unless you’re Mrs. Claus or Eartha Kitt, I don’t want to hear that. Elvis, if you weren’t such a great head elf in charge of R&D, you’d be demoted to reindeer stall scooping!”
“Anyways, as I was saying, big guy. The boys and I have been doing some research on some new technologies for you. As you know, the constant mall visits takes a lot of your time and resources. In order to make more efficient use of both of these, we’re proposing to install iPads in shopping malls. There, kids will be able to drag and drop images of toys that they want and you never have to be there. We’ll also have a link to your twitter feed and we’ve published you on Facebook so that people can add you as a friend, you’re up to 249,210,011 friends already and your account has only been up for 3 days!”
“Jumping Reindeers!” St. Nick exclaimed. “You can’t do that! You can’t replace me with, what are those things called?”
“iPads” responded Elvis “It’s a tablet PC with a virtual keyboard, they’re all the rage. Apparently David P. put the bug in the ear of Melinda Gates and she requested one as well. Apparently, David says that you can control Apple TVs and do all sort of neat things with an iPad. Now everyone wants an iPad.”
“Well bless my beard!” replied Santa. “How can that be? How on earth did Bill let an iPad in the door to his house?”
Elvis chuckled in response, “Quite simple actually. We stuck a couple of round tinker-toy knobs on to the iPad and Bill is convinced it’s an Etch-a-Sketch!”
Santa harrumphed sternly, “Regardless, this whole technology thing. It’s great and all. I love my SQL Server 2008 database for tracking production and my naughty and nice list. I think that it’s great to run my manual SQL Queries to determine the trends and to be able to see that we have the proper amount of raw materials.” He paused and thought for a minute, “ I think that there’s so much there that has helped us, but this is going too far. I will not be replaced by an iPad. The kids need that personal connection. I need to hear the sincerity in their voices and to see the excitement in their eyes. Christmas is not about transactions, it’s about the humanity, the goodwill and peace and love of the season. This is not going to fly, Elvis, I’m sorry. I appreciate the effort but our entire team needs to keep in mind that spirit – the human spirit – can never be captured or conveyed through technology.”
Elvis scowled and slumped, determined to be in a foul mood for the rest of the day. Santa smiled at him with a glint in his eye. Elvis couldn’t help but think how lucky he was to be working for SC Enterprises International, LLP.
Happy Holidays from TecHumanity and Rick!
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